Episode 58

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Published on:

8th Oct 2025

After Apartheid: Masculinity, Love and Violence in today's South Africa - Prof Kopano Ratele

What role does love have to play in transforming men and masculinities? Why is it that so many men and boys struggle to give and receive love, yet feel great hunger for it? How should we understand the complex relationship between masculinity, love, and violence – why do men enact violence towards the people we claim to love? Why do dominant notions of masculinity often conflict with love and vulnerability? We discuss these issues with Kopano Ratele, Professor of Psychology at the University of Stellenbosch in South Africa, drawing on his recent book ‘Why Men Hurt Women and Other Reflections on Love, Violence and Masculinity’, published in 2022 by Wits University Press. Kopano puts forward honest personal reflections about his own experiences with love as a partner, father, psychologist and researcher in the field of men and masculinities.

The second part of the episode explores Kopano’s vital work on critical and cultural African psychology, and the need to apply a decolonial lens to men and masculinities work. Decolonisation involves not only the process of undoing colonial rule, but also deeper shifts away from Western systems and structures of knowledge and power – including in our own psyches. Applying this approach to gender relations, Kopano highlights how a vibrant, Global South range of scholarship on men and masculinities now exists, which asks questions of dominant Western-centric frameworks. For example, he draws attention to the complex position of men of colour in Africa, who may simultaneously have some degree of male privilege, whilst also having been marginalised by colonisation. Our discussion concludes with his thoughts on the ‘softer’ masculinity displayed by South African President, Cyril Ramaphosa, and what impact his condemnation of violence against women and related policy initiatives are having on the very high levels of violence in the country. 

Kopano has published an extensive body of work focusing on the core themes of this episode. Alongside authoring multiple books, chapters, and journal articles, he has served as a member of the Ministerial Committee on Transformation in South African Universities, convener of the National Research Foundation’s Specialist Committee for Psychology Rating Panel, president of the Psychological Society of South Africa, and chairperson of Sonke Gender Justice.

Episode timeline

  • Intro
  • Why Kopano is interested in questions of love (02:30-04:39)
  • Why so many men struggle to give and receive love (04:39-08:54)
  • The relationship between (an absence of) love and men’s violence (08:54-13:37)
  • Kopano’s own personal struggles with love (13:37-17:42)
  • Opening oneself up to vulnerability (17:42-20:27)
  • Helping men to embrace a loving masculinity (20:27-26:03)
  • How Kopano became involved in profeminism (26:03-31:42)
  • Break
  • Why men and masculinity studies needs to be decolonised (31:53-41:56)
  • The complexities of masculinity, race and power in Africa (41:56-48:17)
  • Cyril Ramaphosa’s Oval Office exchange with Donald Trump (48:17-49:59)
  • Ramaphosa’s vocal condemnation of violence against women (49:59-54:06)
  • Pushing for deeper social change in South Africa post-Apartheid (54:06-56:01)
  • Conclusion (56:32-01:04:45)

Music, 'Now is time', courtesy of Chaps' Choir and Dom Stichbury.

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About the Podcast

Now and Men
Current conversations about men's lives
What's it like to be a man in the 21st century? How are feminist issues relevant to men and boys? How can we engage in productive conversations about gender equality? These questions are being discussed more than ever.

Our monthly podcast delves into these issues with experts such as practitioners, activists and academics. In each episode, you’ll hear in-depth conversations about a wide-range of topics connected to masculinity and the lives of men and boys, from supporting men's health, to preventing gender-based violence, to promoting involved fatherhood.

The podcast is hosted by two social science researchers, based on the opposite sides of the world: Sandy Ruxton from Durham University's Centre for Research into Violence and Abuse (UK) and Dr Stephen Burrell from the University of Melbourne (Australia). If you would like to give us your feedback, suggest a guest, or have a question you'd like us to discuss, get in touch at nowandmen@gmail.com. And if you like what we do, please share us with your friends, and leave a review!

About your hosts

Stephen Burrell

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I am a Lecturer in Criminology at the University of Melbourne. I'm originally from the UK, and moved to Australia at the beginning of 2024. My research is about men, masculinities, and violence. I am particularly interested in the prevention of men's violence - especially violence against women, and violence against the environment - and promoting care as an alternative. I'm a big fan of feminism, drinking tea, connecting with nature, eating vegan snacks, and listening to heavy metal.

Sandy Ruxton

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Honorary Research Fellow in the Department of Sociology at Durham University (UK). Independent researcher, expert on men and masculinities. Previous policy work on human rights, children and families, poverty and social exclusion, and asylum and migration. Programme experience with boys and young men in schools, community, and prisons. Steering Committee member, MenEngage Europe. Volunteer for OX4 Food Crew. Chess-player, bike-rider, tree-hugger. Great grandfather edited Boy's Own Paper, but was sacked.